last fall, when i first moved to NYC and began running in Central Park, my father lectured me on my apparent newfound craziness at running in the Park after dark. unthinkable. reprehensible. homicidal.

a girlfriend then added, “haven’t you ever seen Law and Order? i’m pretty sure 99% of those end up with a girl dead after dark in Central Park.”

subsequently, i figured i’d humor those who care about my welfare (evidently more than i do) and keep my park frolickings restricted to daylight hours. i don’t love the treadmill, but at least it saves my life.

so really, what i need is one of these, and then my dimly lit adventures can resume.

oh, and maybe a bodyguard. i won’t turn that down.